The news of your death prompted our road trip – a chorus of excitement filled the car, our children unacquainted with the idea of death.
We found it standing empty, as if the house was holding on for our last visit. I’d wanted to show them the tree my father planted when I was born – the tree you and I had carved our names into.
But only pieces remained, scattered like ashes. And just like that there it was: our children’s first experience of real loss. I stood, barely, counting the billets: one for every year you held me: your prisoner.
This piece was created using the prompt (photo contributed by Rochelle) hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields – Addicted to Purple.
You can find other Friday Fictioneer stories HERE.
Wow! That last line changed the story with a vengeance
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Thank you, Neil 🙂
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Dear Mum,
That first experience with loss is always hard. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle 🙂
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Like Neil said, that last line turns this on it’s head and says so much. Nicely done.
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Thanks Iain 🙂
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Such a deep and poignant tale.
Beautifully written.
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A change of direction I really wasn’t expecting. Excellent.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Thank you, Keith 🙂
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That was such a sweet tale until the very end. Yikes.
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That final sentence is a punch to the gut after the bittersweet lines which precede it.
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Such a sting in the tale, there. Well done.
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Thank you, Sandra 🙂
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You caught my attention with that last line.
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Thank you, Michael 🙂
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You’ve written that very powerfully, keeping the most potent word ‘prisoner’ until the very end. And that word turns everything on its head. Wow! Well done!
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Thank you, Penny!
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Gosh, I didn’t see that ending coming! Well crafted story.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you, Susan! 🙂 It’s great to get feedback 🙂
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Well done. I think I got whiplash!
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Thank you, Dale. Ps. sorry haha 🙂
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All good… I’ll massage it later!
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Haha 🙂
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Woah! That was some ending! Loved it.
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Thanks so much for your feedback. I think I’m getting better! 🙂
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We all are 🙂
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Brutal twist at the end. So very well done.
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Thanks so much for your comment. I enjoyed this one 🙂
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Well, that was unexpected! So glad she escaped at some point.
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Beautifully written and great last line. I want to know more about her. 🙂
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I thought this was the death of her father, then I realised it was her husband/partner… it just seems odd that she would be telling something so tenderly to someone who was obviously so nasty… powerful stuff though.
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As others have said, the last line is a punch because it’s unexpected and, in some ways, feels like an afterthought because it feels as if the children have no direct relationship with the individual involved, but perhaps that is your intention. Regardless, well done.
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Yes, Sascha. That’s what I was going for. The mother has protected them 🙂
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Not the ending I expected… Love the twist.
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